i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
