This is not my ceiling
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
