i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
50% drunk capacity currently
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
