yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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