I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
