i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
