it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
