i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
