so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
