I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
