Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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