it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
