Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
