sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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