He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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