i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
