Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
