Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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