sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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