I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
