Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
