maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
