i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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