You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
