Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
