my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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