CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
