a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
