i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
