You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
They are going to name an STD after you.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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