OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
being pregnant is like rehab
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
