and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
