Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
