are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
