Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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