Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
