bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
