I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
