Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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