Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
