Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
