Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
