Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
sex in a hospital.. check
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
