so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
