my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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