wrigley field is MILF paradise
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
