so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
