i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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