She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
