Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
