What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
