I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
