I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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