Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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