You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Shame - the story of my life.
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