Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
