I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
